i swear sometimes you make me so fuckin mad. i swear i dont understand you. why do you even care? i know you dont really even care so why are we having this stupid ass conversation? you make me wanna knock you the fuck out sometimes well in reality all the time. see that shit right there dumb fuckin text messages you couldve just let it the fuck alone but naw. its always about you. ugh... fuckin men!!!! i hate all of you..
sigh
but yeah now thats off my chest lets go back to this morning.
i asked you to send me pictures because i wanted to put some of your pictures away. i swear something about you makes me want you so bad. its crazy. its been a little over a year now im really guessing a year. and back then you woukd tell me that you werent the relationship type. maybe that was just for me. i dont know. but youve changed so i guess thats a good thing.. maybe. hmm i really dont know ne more.
i miss my little brother man. i cant wait until he can come home again. i fuckin miss all the loud noise and all the bullshit in the house... lol when i think about it was it was actually kinda nice you know what i mean? of course not you werent here. sigh... but yeah i miss you and i cant wait until your home again. i love you more than i love myself and actually it shouldnt even be like that but thats how it is.
im really sleepy. i didnt sleep much last night. mainly because i was uncomfortable. isnt that weird? how when you can have sex with someone and then are uncomfortable with sleeping with em? hmm maybe thats just me? i dont know. one day ill figure it out. soon i hope...
sigh... i had another convo with drake. well at least i thought it was him. maybe not though who knows. people are so crazy these days. they"ll do anything to try and hurt another persons feelings. i guess thats just life though. oh god please help me find peace within. i tired of myself... is that really possible to be tired of ones self? i mean like there self being??? one day i hope to find out the true answers to the questions i ask myself. sooner than later i hope. i want a certain peace that only the good ones find. then again there i have to question the fact of the matter.. Am i a good person? if i could answer all my stupid questions to that one id say most of the time. hmm man i dont know. right now my mind is everywhere. everywhere else but no where really. i miss you... aqm i hope that your doing well. and for the most part that your happy babe. i love you... and in time i hope that youll see that. hmm sometimes i question that too. is it really love that i feel for him or it is just a state of lonliness... i think i spelled that correct. i dont know. damn do i really love him or is it just lust. i know its not lust because even before the lust i felt a love. yes i do love him. when i thought about that in my mind i smiled. i thought of his smile. it was beautiful... hmm i dont know. i wonder how it would be if he had the same feelings for me? would i still act the same? or would i not care anymore because id feel that it was somewhat point less. maybe who knows...but i guess until that day happens i guess ill just be wondering hoping and wishing lol. its really not funny but i didnt know nething that i could put. i love you anthony...
- JUiCE
